Comments on: Make Us Laugh!

By: Jake

Jake — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 14:48:59 +0000

Right then, that’s your lot. Â£115 duly donated.
Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves!

By: Be

Be — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 00:03:57 +0000

-My dog has got no nose.

*How does it smell?
-Terrible !

By: Alice

Alice — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 22:54:04 +0000

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains?

Pull your self together man!

By: Harvey

Harvey — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 22:48:09 +0000

Knock knock! Who is there? Dr! Dr who I know it’s bad but tim is donating five quid so go to be worth it!

By: Steve

Steve — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 22:42:40 +0000

Why did the pervert cross the road ? Because he couldnt get his nob out of the chicken…!

By: Jonny

Jonny — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 22:35:41 +0000

Why do they call it plan b?
Because it’s a real stinger!

By: Kerry Holt

Kerry Holt — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:44:31 +0000

A neighbour sees the little girl next door digging a hole in her garden.
The neighbour asks “What are doing there little girl?”
The little girl replies: “I’m burying my Goldfish”
The neighbour says “Awwwwh that’s an AWFULLY big hole for a liddle Goldfish”
“Well he’s in your fucking cat”.

By: A G Kitchen

A G Kitchen — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:10:38 +0000

The financial crisis explained in simple terms…..........................

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow herloyal customers – most of whom are unemployed alcoholics – to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans). Word gets around and as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi’s bar.

Taking advantage of her customers’ freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively. A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi’s borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently fired, due of course to his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi’s bar.However they cannot pay back the debts. Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.

The suppliers of Heidi’s bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.

The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties. The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.

Finally, an explanation that can be understood!...

By: Sam Rayner

Sam Rayner — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 17:06:51 +0000

What’s an archaeologist?

Someone who’s career is in ruins.

By: Mark Murph

Mark Murph — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 17:00:06 +0000

Q: how do you turn a duck in to a soul singer?
A: put it in a microwave until its bill withers…